OKON POLITICALLY APPOINTED

Popular Nollywood actor, Ime Bishop Umoh a.k.a Okon Lagos has joined the league of Nigerians stars with political appointments.

Okon Lagos announced his appointment via Instagram. He wrote, "Yes it's true... been made Special Assistant To The Governor On Ethical and Social Reorientation, Akwa Ibom State. Thank you Gov Udom Emmanuel. Most above all, Thank you Jesus!" are you happy for him?

GHANA PASTOR CAUGHT IN THE ACT

Wonders, they say, will never end indeed, as we have started experiencing diabolic and shameful act we only used to experience and watch in movies right in the church of God in this endtime. How else could someone known as a pastor mock God and humiliate himself than to share a man’s wife with him right on the man’s own matrimonial bed. Each passing day, has its own mysteries and stories to be remembered by. Today, another mystery has unfolded, as Head pastor and founder of the Apostolic Good News Church International-Apostle Doglas Akwesi Amanoris been caught naked and pants down with Mrs. Mina Adjei, a married woman and a member of his church right on her matrimonial bed at her EMEFS Estate residence at Lashiebi in Accra. Mrs. Mina Adjei, is the wedded wife of Mr. Thomas Adjei- a Managing Director of an advertising company in Osu- Accra. The couple are married for nine (9) good years and blessed with two wonderful kids- a boy and a girl. Speaking to the victimized husband upon a tip off by an insider, Mr. Thomas Adjei, totally broken down in spirit and soul narrated his tragic experience to reporters “My wife and I have been having some marital problems for sometime now base on her recent attachments and relationship with other men, and over her constant nagging and reluctant to pick the kids from school and take care of them in her shop- which is even closer to the school. She had never accepted her fault or explained to me peacefully even when caught red handed with men in very uncompromising situations at odd times. Due to this, families and counselors advised that we separated for a while due to her violent attitude whenever there is a little problem while the two families put heads together to resolve the issues. On that fateful morning of Saturday May 7, 2016, at about 6:30am, I had left my hideout to the house to go and pack my belongings from the house, since my wife and I had earlier agreed that our EMEFS Estate rent had expire, and due to some hitches in business for now, we shall rather relocate into a much affordable apartment instead of renewing the rent again”he unearthed.

But he said, the woman said she would not oblige to their earlier agreement, but rather claimed she has an uncle who says he would continue with the rent for her to stay in the EMEFS apartment all by herself. He continued that, he went with a carpenter to help him fix and change some of the locks where necessary before he finally packs out since the woman says she may be staying in the house with her so-called uncle of a benefactor, till the families resolve the issues. He said, upon reaching the house, they started knocking at the main gate for sometime before a sister- in law came out to get the door. “I greeted and entered the house as the man of the house and walked straight to our master-bedroom to knock on our bedroom door. But as I knocked for long minutes without any response at all, I then decided to push the door to see what was wrong with my wife in there, because her sister had already confirmed that she was inside. As soon as I pushed the door opened, my wife rushed out to push it back against me! Wow, what is happening here- I wondered at her attitude? This gave me the idea to suspect that something fishy was definitely going on in the room, because of my past suspicion of her with other men in her car, so I decided to force the door open to enter at all cost. I then forced the door back on her, and lo and behold, here was a thick-tall dark man naked on my own matrimonial bed with my wife in my room! How else could a man be traumatized in his life than this?” he lamented. Describing his woes to the team, Mr. Adjei, underscored that, at the instance, his heart was terrified so much so that he could not move nor scream, so all he found himself doing was to start clapping his hands for them. He said, after some seconds, he gathered some courage and decided to take some pictures for evidence, “but to my amazement, my shameless wife suddenly pounced on me in an attack and tore my clothes to prevent me from taking the pictures, but when she realized she couldn’t stop me, she rather ran to her so-called daddy of a pastor and stared covering his face with the man’s under wears- shouting, ‘Daddy don’t allow him to take ur face!”, he elaborated. Mr. Adjei, who said he gathered all the courage not to be violent in the act continued that he left the scene quietly when he realized the wife was trying to be violent to cover up her shame and went back to his hideout to avoid any false accusations of assault. He said, he managed to go to his own church the next day- Sunday May 8, and then reported the case to the Larshibi Vivian Farm police who later arrested the two who were granted bail the next day. The case has since been with the DOVVSU Department of the station for further resolvation. According to Mr. Adjei however, had been the fact that, the wife is rather shamelessly going round tanishing his image and rather painting him so black to the world without any shame. Meanwhile, the police has given a confirmation of the case been reported to the Vivian Farm station at Larshibi, but says the case is under investigation and so they would want to hold on to their commits and further details for now

ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS

2014 WAEC EXAMINATION Time: 1hr 30 mins SECTION A (Answer all questions. Questions carry equal marks) 1. What are the names of the two people holding hands when you switch on a Nokia phone? 2. If the past tense of Take is Took, what is the past tense of Make? 3. Which university in Nigeria has the highest number of ladies using blackberry phones? 4. If Buhari is a friend to Obasanjo on Facebook, who sent the friend request and why? 5. If the cost of moi-moi is N10.50, what is the cost of moi? 6. Who ate the missing part of the Apple logo? SECTION B (Answer All Questions. 10 Marks each) 1. Between the Nigerian police and Nigerian girls, who likes money more? 2. Using the almighty formula, calculate the Diameter of Elegushi beach. (Take pi=3.142) 3. If Ada is a girl and Obi is a boy, who is Adaobi? 4. If your X-boyfriend/girlfriend wins N50,000,000 on who wants to be a millionaire after you broke up, find the value of X? 5. If it takes Goodluck one hour to deliver a typed speech in a national conference, how many days will it take Patience to deliver the same speech on the same occasion? Assuming the polarity of the audience is kept constant? SECTION C (Answer any two questions) 1. Tu-face was given a Prado and Ferarri on his traditional wedding and white wedding respectively. There is every likelihood that D-Banj has gone ahead to print wedding invitation cards without an available bride. Discuss (20 Marks) 2. Write a short essay of not more than 500 words on 'My Oga At The Top'. (20 marks) 3. What's the name of the lady that says "Please enter your secret number" at the ATM machine and explain why she is chosen for the job. (20 marks)

PLASTIC SURGERY

AKPOS: What is the cost of the plastic surgery? DOCTOR: Its about N 900,000. AKPOS: What!? Doctor that's too expensive. Okay...err...what if I bring the plastic

MATHS CLASS

Akpos was in a Mathematics class, a class he never liked. The teacher was teaching Algebra that day and the aspect involved was somewhat easy. The teacher decided to evaluate the students' understanding of the topic... TEACHER: Chibuzor, what is 2 x a? CHIBUZOR: 2a sir. TEACHER: Good! Kansiime, what is 9 x t? KANSIIME: 9t sir. TEACHER: Good! Akpos, what is 4 x q? AKPOS: F**k you sir!

JOKE TODAY...BURIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

I was walking past a grave yard and I was reading some of the writings carved on the grave stone. A Yoruba woman's own read: ''Mrs. Opeyemi died in a terrible car accident. R.I.P'!' An Hausa man's own read, "Alhaji Danguda died while crossing the sahara desert. R.I.P!" I was shocked to read an Igbo man's own which read, "Chief Okoro 1 of Njaba and 2 of Mgbenafo died when a container fell on him while shifting his goods from Apapa Whorf. He is survived by a wife and two children who presently manage his electronic shop where you can buy your TV sets, DVD sets, Fridges and air conditioners at slightly lower prices. For more enquiries call 0802364366 or 0805669453 or visit our website, www.okoroventures.com/cheap"

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